I recently completed reading a book which I purposely am not posting the title of since it can be interpreted as controversial and that in itself may influence people's opinion (positively or negatively). On practically every page I would go "that's exactly what I've always believed". I never sought a public platform per se, but even getting people to just listen (never mind understand or agree!!) has been excruciatingly difficult (IE. Impossible).
This reluctancy of others to listen has partially lead to a long-standing bout of chronic depression. I refer to this as my "existential depression".
Perhaps people don't want to hear me because it's not very "positive", maybe it's "too deep" for them, or maybe the truth of their own fallibility makes them uncomfortable.
Regardless, my pre-existing depressive condition has been magnified with this (perceived by me) lack of understanding / caring by others.
I control my condition through various ways such as medication, counselling, and educating myself about it, but there still seemed to be something missing.
Reading this book has helped me understand that I'm not "wrong" in my beliefs, just that they are not commonplace, and that most people are uncomfortable hearing such truths.
Reading is therapeutic. I have done hours of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which basically helps a person change their throught process. CBT has been extremely beneficial, but it strictly targets "How you think", not "What you think (and truly believe)".
It's very easy for me to think "I live in an industrialized country where corporations and money influence / decide how people (ought to) behave; therefore I simply need to adapt to that and I'll be "happy"".
My "problem", has been that I go further and say "but that is wrong, and if I "adapt" to (what I believe is) a wrong, that doesn't make me happy, it actually makes me feel worse".
The therapeutic part of reading (this particualr book) is that it confirms that I'm not "wrong" (nor alone) in my beliefs; that other people belief very similarly, in fact (some) get published and have public forums (IE. They fucntion).
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2 comments:
I haven't followed you for a long time, but this post cannot be more unclear! Without any example, i'm lead to believe that you have beliefs that are not shared with the comon society and they could "stigmatise" you for believing them in front of other peoples eyes. What are those so strange beliefs that are making you think that you have to think against it to be in line with the "society"? However, whitout naming this book you have made it mysterious and interesting, I would really like to know more about it!
Funny how the posts which seem easiest to write as the ideas are clear in your mind can be most difficult for others to understand.
I'll try to further explain the example I mentioned in the post. When I say: (paraphrasing) "...simply adapting to a common and accepted way of living does not make me happy, in fact it makes me feel worse.", I'm refering to finding "meaning" in my life. Where (possibly) I differ from others is that I've always longed for a deep and meaningful purpose that is concrete, and attainable within my limited capacities. I say "limited" not in a derogatory way, but rather that as a human I (and we all) have limits.
I've never strived for some utopian life (or after life for that matter), rather something that has my fingerprint (as slight as that may be in the grand scheme of things).
How this might differ from social conventions is actually talking about it, and at the same time critiquing what is accepted as "normal".
Often times I've been told (by very well meaning people by the way) to "just accept life as it is presented". To that I reply "Life as it is presented does not make me happy, what do I do?"
"What makes life "as we know it" so good?"
"If life "as we know it" is so good, why are so many people miserable, and angry?"
Unfortunately, when I've asked these questions I've usually gotten practically reprimanded for being "idealistic".
I still believe that these "philosophical" questions which are important to me are often set aside by others because they demand thoughtful introspection which in turn (if the person is honest about it) will confirm the person's limitations, and in today's society showing limitations is a sign of weakness.
People often say that showing weakness and vulnerability is sign of strength, yet very few ever do it.
This book I read points out how so few people critique common "values" and ways of life, and that people's passivity is the biggest problem.
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