Monday, September 21, 2009

Maybe I am normal after all

a big part of my recovery has been to established what I wanted out of life. Professionally, relationship-wise, socially, economically.

At first glance, those things seemed boring to me. Just "get a job", "settle down", "raise a family", and.....well, die.

After months of fighting it, I have come to understand that work (as in contributing to societ) is an important part of a person's life. Not to mention that we spend 40+ hours a week at it. At the same time, a profession or vocation need not be a burden, and in fact can be fulfilling.

As for relationships, humans are a social animal for whom human interaction is not only important, but necessary. Relationships comport several different types; romantic, friendships, family (of origin as well as extended), colleagues...

When it comes to socio-economic status, that is one I still somewhat struggle with (albeit a lot less) because of the outdated class structure which still prevails.

I have though come to terms with what I want to do professionally (work in mental health), even though it will require years of schooling, the fact i have a specific goal that *I* set makes it all worthwhile.

Relationship wise, I've been blessed with a small, but incredible group of lovely friends, and the person who has had the most positive impact on my life ever, Jessica.

Socially and economically I'm doing much better than previously, but still not as good as others my age (for those who want to compare), but I don't worry about that any more. I'm not into comparisons, I'm happy and content with my life and where it's going.

Although my life seems somewhat "normal", is it so bad? I don't think so.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I've become the man I've always been

The past 12-18 months have been the most fulfilling in my entire adult life so far. As poetic as this sounds, it has not been a joyride.

After losing a job for the humpteenth time, breaking up friendships, lacking any direction and meaning in my life, I "decided" (brackets because the options were rather slim) to get help. Getting help for mental health issues in British Columbia in 2008-2009 is excruciatingly difficult. Considering the person is already crippled by mental illness, the hoops one has to jump through in order to get help (medical, therapeutic, counseling, financial...) are unacceptable. I'm digressing as I will elaborate on this at a later date.

As I (very slowly) got help for different aspects of my life (medical, counseling, career counseling...), one main theme kept coming back. Most of what I've always beliefs and values, as well as what I wanted were not only true and possible, but part of who I am.

I believed in wanting to make the world a better and fairer place, I believed that just because things "are" the way they are doesn't necessarily make it right. I valued helping those in need WHEN THEY ARE IN NEED (IE. Not congratulating them (indirectly ourselves retroactively). The less agreeable part of me believed people to be hypocritical by sharing/taking credit for successes, but never accepting any responsibility for failures. For purposely avoiding sensitive situations (IE. (Potential) Mental illness) on account of "lack of knowledge" yet having strong opinions on the same topics when not directly involved.

The greatest thing I have gotten in the past 18 months is my health, 2nd is Jessica, and thirdly I would have to say is myself!!

I've come not only to accept that my beliefs, values, goals, ambitions are part of who I am. Granted, I don't always do things the conventional way, I may be "a dreamer", that doesn't make it wrong (or right for that matter!!), it just is who I am, and I can now say that I LOVE that.

I've become the man I've always been.