Saturday, August 29, 2009

I knew myself more than I thought

I written about this previously, but I still get reminders of how I really knew my beliefs and values, as well as what i truly wanted from life, but let other people influence may away from that.

I have been described as "idealistic", and in the past I would silently get angry at that label, thinking that if we want to achieve an ideal, we have to believe in it first. I also saw hypocrisy in that label as I'd think "how come people are so complimentary of people like Mother Teresa, Jean Vanier, Emmett Johns, yet when I "dream" of something, it's "unrealistic"".

I was also bothered by "secrets" (especially family secrets which were elephants in the room). For the longest time I believed things were not talked about on purpose, we practically just talked about the weather.

Venturing into a topic like "I have not been feeling well recently" was subtly discouraged; "you feel ok right now", "look at what you do have".... To me that sounded empty, avoidance.

I see now how that WAS avoidance, no malice intended, just that our society does not view talking about difficulties as a good thing. We are taught very young to "just talk about positive things", to "not bother others with your troubles, they have their own". Somehow ALL "troubles" are to be solved alone.

Coming back to the beginning of this post, I knew (subconsciously) that there was something wrong with the entire premise of "Just say positive things and keep your problems to yourself". At the time I wasn't versed enough to call it DENIAL.

In the same way, we are "proud" of a person AFTER they've achieved something, or recovered.

Why weren't we proud when they were trying to achieve, or sick and on they way to recovery?

Perhaps I'm unconventional, but I truly believe that education about mental illness involves talking about it, and getting involved (whether with a family member, friend, colleague...)

Avoidance of (talking about) the issue only confirms the long standing fallacy that mental illness is "bad" and unworthy of attention.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Education and early detection

Article on CBC.ca http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2009/08/28/preschooler-depression.html

At first glance I felt sadness at children going through the most misunderstood and ridiculed disease in our (so-called advanced) society, but re-reading the article gives me hope that some people are looking for early signs of depression.

It is common knowledge that early detection of any disease is the best remedy. That the more educated one is about a disease, the better they will be prepared to fight it, and that same education is what will eradicate any stigmas.

There obviously remains a lot of work to be done, medically and socially (look at some of the ignorant posts on that story for example).

But seeing studies like this being published and reported is a step in the right direction. The results might be somewhat disconcerting, but it's reporting a problem we can learn more about, and tackle from a position of knowledge.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Am I better?

Having gone through the most painful recovery process of my life in the past 2.5 years has not (in my mind) made me a better person, but rather a more aware, honest, and humble person.

Obviously awareness, honesty, and humility are good qualities, but did I go from not having them to suddenly having them? I think not.

Being told I'm a "better" person is (in my view) telling me I wasn't a very good person in the past. Now, I have done things I'm not proud of, that were hurtful to others, but the whole "you're a better person now" idea comes off as patronizing to me.

It comes back to my main point about mental illness, depression, and how those who do not have it have a responsibility to educate themselves about it, and get involved.

While the (depressed / sick) person is ill is precisely when they need help and support.

Patting the back of those who have fought their way out of depression is lame, as it is too easy.

Lame excuses like "I don't know what to do", or "he'll just say no" (without trying), and then turning around and congratulating him when he's "better" is hypocritical at best, a blatant lie at worse.

Acceptance of these mediocre excuses reinforces the stigma of mental illness.

Go help your brother, cousin, or colleague who's been down in the dumps lately. The one who's been isolating. Give him a phone call, offer to go to coffee, a movie, golf, dinner, anything. He might say no (highly likely actually), but you know what, when he does get better HE WILL REMEMBER THAT YOU TRIED.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Maybe it is the destination after all

We often hear how life's "a journey, not a destination" (even Aerosmith used those lyrics!!), but if we see happiness as a destination, then the journey IS secondary.

People, groups, and organizations such as religions, political parties, even businesses do not promote their beliefs in order for people to be happier, or even better off. All they want is more membership, more promotion of their beliefs / ideas, and more goods or services being consumed.

They blind the public with the idea that by feeling better temporarily (during prayer, when in office, when consuming such a product...), it will lead to longer term happiness, but that never occurs (which, by the way, they knew all along!!)

They will also create a false impression of community, by pushing the idea of "Do like us, we're smart, popular, you want to be like us".

That last part is one of the biggest problems, most people DO NOT want to be LIKE others, we want our own uniqueness to shine. We all want and NEED to be with others, but remain unique within the group.

In order to achieve happiness, people take numerous different paths. Everything from social groups, religion, politics, activism...

The paths are infinite, the destination is unique.

Monday, August 17, 2009

How much of your life is chosen?

We live in a society which emphasizes autonomy, independence, fending for one self. When a person finds themselves in a predicament, we often hear that they "made a wrong choice".

But how much choice do we truly have? Nobody chose to be born when and where they were. To the parents they had. We definitely do not chose our physiology, or how it operates. Our breathing, the blood flowing through our veins, the thousands of synapses in our brain every minute are not of our choosing.

Even large parts of our social lives are not chosen. We are a social species, we didn't chose that. We only have minimal choice in our friends. We live in such a neighbourhood through where and how our parents brought us up. We go to school because (although it is a positive thing) we pretty much have to (it could be argued that we "chose" education as a society). So we choose our friends within a limited sample.

Work wise, most people "choose" a job that happens to be available, one which offers benefits we like (choosing the benefits over the job!!), or one within our chosen profession, but we are still confined to the location, rules, and operating procedures of said job.

Would we say the person with diabetes, cancer or heart disease "chose" that? Of course not.

So in the same way, when we hear about or see a person with depression or another mental illness which perhaps incapacitates them to the point of living on the street, lets not flatter ourselves by seeing them as having made "poor choices", rather that they didn't have the opportunity to chose.

Monday, August 10, 2009

I didn't wake up one day and feel better

Too often I have heard and read statements about people who just "woke up one day and decided to feel better" and their depression was gone. I hate to break it to you, but that's not how it works.

I can point to specific dates and times which were determining in my recovery (like October 11th 2007 when I FINALLY called the local Mental Health Authority and began the process).

But I also remember tonnes of times when I'd tell myself "Ok, this is it I'm just going to feel better", it didn't work and I felt WORSE.

Recovery is a process, an on-going process at that. I'm not cured, I have achieved a good level of stability which I want to keep, and involves several things including medication, regular exercise, proper diet.

If you're looking to get better, slowly getting there, or even unsure, remember that it's ongoing.

I have days were I remind myself of where I was, how I felt, how I never want that ever again, and that I've gotten what I have through consistent self-discipline, and constant work. Not some magical idea that I'll "will it away".

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Do what you truly enjoy

I have often felt guilty of wanting to do (work wise) what I like. As if I was asking for some sort of privilege. Until recently, I have thought of a person's profession as nothing more than an obligation. Work - lodge, feed, clothe yourself - pay you bills. After that (whatever time is left), do what you enjoy.

As if wanting a metier which involves one's likes is being finicky.

I also believed that those who (allegedly) enjoy what they do are exceptions such as athletes and entertainers. That only prodigies can achieve this because of their exceptional talent(s).
That "average Joe Schmo" can only hope for potential fun/happiness during "off hours".

No wonder people are depressed. If all we have to look forward to is a potential 45 minutes of our favorite activity tomorrow (assuming all goes well at work, and bills are all paid up).

Fortunately, more people are seeing the correlation between working in a job one enjoys and improved mental health!!

Don't let false "obligations" (IE. Socio-economic status) get in the way of following your passions.

Better to live a more humble lifestyle and be healthy than rich and miserable.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

What is normal?

I have just completed a class entitled "Abnormal Psychology" in which we studied psychological ailments / diseases.

I understand the word "abnormal" in this context, but still feel it contributes to the marginalization of mentally ill people, and the stigma attached to mental illness.

So what exactly is normal? Dictionary.com defines "Normal" as:

1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2. serving to establish a standard.
3. Psychology.
a. approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
b. free from any mental disorder; sane.
4. Biology, Medicine/Medical.
a. free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation.
b. of natural occurrence


The first definition is rather common, the second applies to psychological disorders, but I am intrigued by the 3rd one "Free from any infection or other form of disease". Linguistically I agree that someone who is dis-eased is not "normal", but would we ever dare call someone with diabetes or cancer "abnormal"?

Coming back to the first definition, "conforming to a standard type....natural, regular", there's an aspect of conformity, that somehow originality would not be normal.

I believe the common understanding of what a normal person is simply "Someone who's not a burden". After all it's not "normal" to not fend for oneself (work and pay one's bills), to not be able to overcome difficulties (we congratulate people 's successes, we don't get involved when they suffer).

The normal person is the one who works, pays their taxes, doesn't break the law, and isn't a nuisance to others.

By that (common) definition, maybe we can see why those who's mental disease incapacitates their functioning at work, interferes with their economic capacity, and makes them NEED THE HELP of others actually don't seek help.....it's not normal.












Monday, August 3, 2009

It's a matter of trust

It is said that people suffering Depression, addiction and other mental illnesses often have difficulty trusting others while getting better.
There's a very valid reason for this; the very people requiring trust are the very people the person suffering could not trust when they were ill.

To the depressive who is getting better, the people asking (directly or not) to be trusted including family, friends, colleagues, even medical professionals are the same people who "let them down" when they (the depressive) were going through their worse times, those people (often) were not there. Either they literally were not present, they "didn't know what to do", repeated platitudes such as "snap out of it", or (as to often is the case) pretended like everything was ok.

This is a large reason why depressives are (justifiably) angry.

The Catch-22 here is that as untrustworthy as people are when dealing with others' mental illness, the best way to health is by letting people (back) into our lives.

The doctor who prescribes medication "X" can be trusted to the extent that he knows what he's doing. The family member, friend or colleague who invites you out, or accepts your invitation can be trusted for that event (and other similar things), but it does not mean they suddenly "know what to do", or that their previous behaviour was appropriate.

How much we trust people is always tricky, but more so after having gone through depression and feeling like we were left on our own.

Accepting others ignorance has actually helped me in that I see it as an opportunity for me to advocate for people with depression, and educate those without.