One of the biggest obstacles I've encountered during my years of depression and struggling trying to get better, is the commonly heard (mixed) message which tells the depressed person that on one hand they have to "Help Themselves", while at the same time "Don't Try Doing It On Your Own".
Well which is it?
As is with most things, both have some validity, and both have their limits. Some things the person will achieve on their own, others (accomplishments) with outside help.
The problem with telling someone they have to "Help Themselves" is that it literally leaves them out in the cold to do what (until now) they've not been very successful at(!)
Being specific about what they can do for/by themselves is key or they won't know where to start.
As for "Don't Try Doing It On Your Own", that is too often pseudo-sympathy. I was often told to "Not Try By Myself", but the same people who professed those words never offered help or even suggestions.
Unfortunately for those struggling with depression, our disease has often isolated us from others.
Ideally, you do have people close to you, who are trustworthy, caring, and courageous enough to help you through the struggles of the first steps out of depression.
For those who don't, and yes IT IS THE MAJORITY, there is hope. YOU have the courage and strength to make the first step ON YOUR OWN. Call your local mental health center, call or see a doctor, confide in a friend, read up on depression, write in a journal, go for a walk.
It may seem too simple, even useless at the time, but if you do something SPECIFICALLY TO COMBAT YOUR DEPRESSION, you are helping yourself.
Depression is never totally beaten, it always lurks in our minds and bodies. It takes weeks, months, usually years to get a grasp of how to cope with it, each one of us has unique ways of doing so.
So next time someone tells you you need to "Help Yourself", or to "Not Go At It Alone", take it for what it (probably) is; They sympathize, but are not interested in getting involved. And when someone offers help (even if it's just shooting the shit over a cup of coffee), accept graciously.
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2 comments:
Hi Greg,
I think you're right...
I've never suffered from depression myself but I used to work in a mental health center for a while..and I'm deeply interested in psychiathry..After I saw patients with depression I can say-the biggest part of coping is up to a suffering person,but usually there is a need in psychotherapy and even medications-cause depression is an ilness,not just a bad mood...
Thanks for your input Daria. Indeed, the most difficult part of coping is that it involves several different aspects (pharmacological, therapeutic, individual effort and energy, joint effort and energy by others...), and keeping all that regularly is difficult enough by itself; when it involves others it makes it all the more complicated, and frustrating.
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