Canada is advertised as one of the best countries to live in. Health care, stable government, stable and diverse economy, open to immigration, and safe. Those are some undeniable truths about my homeland.
Unfortunately, Canada remains much too passive in regards to mental health, substance abuse, and poverty.
Canadians accept having people with mental illness and substance abuse problems roam the streets while getting themselves and others in all sorts of trouble even though these same people are so disabled they do not have the capacity to get necessary treatment on their own.
Recently, a friend of mine passed away. Alone, drinking being the last and only thing which kept her going is ironically what killed her.
In Canada, a life such as that is seen as fine. Not healthy, and not what most what want for themselves, but since she was quiet, paid her rent, and wasn't a nuisance to others, that was plenty.
In Vancouver alone, thousands live on the street. What do they get? Ignored, either by soulless individuals who consider the homeless lazy, or by the truly ignorant who (choose to not know) by convincing themselves and others that they "don't know what to do".
Thousands more live empty lives, lonely, doing what is expected regardless of how they feel about it. When they express their disenchantment, they get rewarded with criticism of how they are "ungrateful".
Canada is a country of abundance. A country rich in fresh water, beautiful forests, mountains, bordering three oceans. Yet when it comes to people, Canadians settle for their fellow neighbours to basically survive. If they are happy or not, healthy or not is irrelevant. As long as one pays the bills and isn't a nuisance they're a good citizen.
This attitude of simply settling and having no genuine interest in the improvement in the lives of society's people is shameful.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Theoren Fleury
Theoren Fleury was an NHL star in the late 80's and through the 90's. He was known as one of the feistiest and hardest working players. Being only 5'5", he was the smallest player in a league known for it's physicality and violence.
On the ice he was regularly seen antagonizing opponents with his relentless play, but also with his mouth, "yapping" at others.
Off the ice, he had a reputation as a bad boy who drank a lot and rumours of drugs followed him.
In 1997, Graham James, Fleury's former coach at the junior level was convicted of more than 350 incidents of sexual abuse involving at least two former Swift Current players and served three years in prison.
Fleury never came forward as being a player James molested until now.
Fleury's autobiography "Playing with fire" is coming out next week. In it he talks openly and graphically about the abuse James inflicted on him and how it has affected him to this day.
Why am I talking about this? Am I pimping Fleury's book? No, Theo's story is just all too common.
Not necessarily the the sexual abuse (although that is rampant is all spheres of society), but rather how he was left to himself, and no one was interested in his reality.
I'm just as guilty as anyone else, as a hockey fan, I loved his enthusiasm on the ice, and learning of his off ice indiscretions was always funny.
There's nothing funny about Theo Fleury's life, and having gone through depression, I share the pain, emptiness, and loneliness he lives. Circumstances are very different, but the feelings of uselessness are wearily similar.
People loved Theo for his on-ice prowess, for his "manliness" of partying, but when he crossed the line (by the same others definition), they bailed on him. We fans, his team, the league gave up on the trouble-making Theo.
Now he's clean, sober, and freeing himself (very publicly) of horrors he's carried for over 20 years, and we love him (personally, I find that rather hypocritical since we weren't there when he truly needed help).
Theo, you're an absolute hero, not for trying a come back this year (he tried out unsuccessfully with his old team the Calgary Flames), not for writing a book, not even for "coming out".
Theo, you're a hero for being clean, sober and healthy again.
Excerpt from Fleury's book:
http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/postedsports/archive/2009/10/10/book-excerpt-fleury-s-playing-with-fire.aspx
On the ice he was regularly seen antagonizing opponents with his relentless play, but also with his mouth, "yapping" at others.
Off the ice, he had a reputation as a bad boy who drank a lot and rumours of drugs followed him.
In 1997, Graham James, Fleury's former coach at the junior level was convicted of more than 350 incidents of sexual abuse involving at least two former Swift Current players and served three years in prison.
Fleury never came forward as being a player James molested until now.
Fleury's autobiography "Playing with fire" is coming out next week. In it he talks openly and graphically about the abuse James inflicted on him and how it has affected him to this day.
Why am I talking about this? Am I pimping Fleury's book? No, Theo's story is just all too common.
Not necessarily the the sexual abuse (although that is rampant is all spheres of society), but rather how he was left to himself, and no one was interested in his reality.
I'm just as guilty as anyone else, as a hockey fan, I loved his enthusiasm on the ice, and learning of his off ice indiscretions was always funny.
There's nothing funny about Theo Fleury's life, and having gone through depression, I share the pain, emptiness, and loneliness he lives. Circumstances are very different, but the feelings of uselessness are wearily similar.
People loved Theo for his on-ice prowess, for his "manliness" of partying, but when he crossed the line (by the same others definition), they bailed on him. We fans, his team, the league gave up on the trouble-making Theo.
Now he's clean, sober, and freeing himself (very publicly) of horrors he's carried for over 20 years, and we love him (personally, I find that rather hypocritical since we weren't there when he truly needed help).
Theo, you're an absolute hero, not for trying a come back this year (he tried out unsuccessfully with his old team the Calgary Flames), not for writing a book, not even for "coming out".
Theo, you're a hero for being clean, sober and healthy again.
Excerpt from Fleury's book:
http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/postedsports/archive/2009/10/10/book-excerpt-fleury-s-playing-with-fire.aspx
Monday, September 21, 2009
Maybe I am normal after all
a big part of my recovery has been to established what I wanted out of life. Professionally, relationship-wise, socially, economically.
At first glance, those things seemed boring to me. Just "get a job", "settle down", "raise a family", and.....well, die.
After months of fighting it, I have come to understand that work (as in contributing to societ) is an important part of a person's life. Not to mention that we spend 40+ hours a week at it. At the same time, a profession or vocation need not be a burden, and in fact can be fulfilling.
As for relationships, humans are a social animal for whom human interaction is not only important, but necessary. Relationships comport several different types; romantic, friendships, family (of origin as well as extended), colleagues...
When it comes to socio-economic status, that is one I still somewhat struggle with (albeit a lot less) because of the outdated class structure which still prevails.
I have though come to terms with what I want to do professionally (work in mental health), even though it will require years of schooling, the fact i have a specific goal that *I* set makes it all worthwhile.
Relationship wise, I've been blessed with a small, but incredible group of lovely friends, and the person who has had the most positive impact on my life ever, Jessica.
Socially and economically I'm doing much better than previously, but still not as good as others my age (for those who want to compare), but I don't worry about that any more. I'm not into comparisons, I'm happy and content with my life and where it's going.
Although my life seems somewhat "normal", is it so bad? I don't think so.
At first glance, those things seemed boring to me. Just "get a job", "settle down", "raise a family", and.....well, die.
After months of fighting it, I have come to understand that work (as in contributing to societ) is an important part of a person's life. Not to mention that we spend 40+ hours a week at it. At the same time, a profession or vocation need not be a burden, and in fact can be fulfilling.
As for relationships, humans are a social animal for whom human interaction is not only important, but necessary. Relationships comport several different types; romantic, friendships, family (of origin as well as extended), colleagues...
When it comes to socio-economic status, that is one I still somewhat struggle with (albeit a lot less) because of the outdated class structure which still prevails.
I have though come to terms with what I want to do professionally (work in mental health), even though it will require years of schooling, the fact i have a specific goal that *I* set makes it all worthwhile.
Relationship wise, I've been blessed with a small, but incredible group of lovely friends, and the person who has had the most positive impact on my life ever, Jessica.
Socially and economically I'm doing much better than previously, but still not as good as others my age (for those who want to compare), but I don't worry about that any more. I'm not into comparisons, I'm happy and content with my life and where it's going.
Although my life seems somewhat "normal", is it so bad? I don't think so.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
I've become the man I've always been
The past 12-18 months have been the most fulfilling in my entire adult life so far. As poetic as this sounds, it has not been a joyride.
After losing a job for the humpteenth time, breaking up friendships, lacking any direction and meaning in my life, I "decided" (brackets because the options were rather slim) to get help. Getting help for mental health issues in British Columbia in 2008-2009 is excruciatingly difficult. Considering the person is already crippled by mental illness, the hoops one has to jump through in order to get help (medical, therapeutic, counseling, financial...) are unacceptable. I'm digressing as I will elaborate on this at a later date.
As I (very slowly) got help for different aspects of my life (medical, counseling, career counseling...), one main theme kept coming back. Most of what I've always beliefs and values, as well as what I wanted were not only true and possible, but part of who I am.
I believed in wanting to make the world a better and fairer place, I believed that just because things "are" the way they are doesn't necessarily make it right. I valued helping those in need WHEN THEY ARE IN NEED (IE. Not congratulating them (indirectly ourselves retroactively). The less agreeable part of me believed people to be hypocritical by sharing/taking credit for successes, but never accepting any responsibility for failures. For purposely avoiding sensitive situations (IE. (Potential) Mental illness) on account of "lack of knowledge" yet having strong opinions on the same topics when not directly involved.
The greatest thing I have gotten in the past 18 months is my health, 2nd is Jessica, and thirdly I would have to say is myself!!
I've come not only to accept that my beliefs, values, goals, ambitions are part of who I am. Granted, I don't always do things the conventional way, I may be "a dreamer", that doesn't make it wrong (or right for that matter!!), it just is who I am, and I can now say that I LOVE that.
I've become the man I've always been.
After losing a job for the humpteenth time, breaking up friendships, lacking any direction and meaning in my life, I "decided" (brackets because the options were rather slim) to get help. Getting help for mental health issues in British Columbia in 2008-2009 is excruciatingly difficult. Considering the person is already crippled by mental illness, the hoops one has to jump through in order to get help (medical, therapeutic, counseling, financial...) are unacceptable. I'm digressing as I will elaborate on this at a later date.
As I (very slowly) got help for different aspects of my life (medical, counseling, career counseling...), one main theme kept coming back. Most of what I've always beliefs and values, as well as what I wanted were not only true and possible, but part of who I am.
I believed in wanting to make the world a better and fairer place, I believed that just because things "are" the way they are doesn't necessarily make it right. I valued helping those in need WHEN THEY ARE IN NEED (IE. Not congratulating them (indirectly ourselves retroactively). The less agreeable part of me believed people to be hypocritical by sharing/taking credit for successes, but never accepting any responsibility for failures. For purposely avoiding sensitive situations (IE. (Potential) Mental illness) on account of "lack of knowledge" yet having strong opinions on the same topics when not directly involved.
The greatest thing I have gotten in the past 18 months is my health, 2nd is Jessica, and thirdly I would have to say is myself!!
I've come not only to accept that my beliefs, values, goals, ambitions are part of who I am. Granted, I don't always do things the conventional way, I may be "a dreamer", that doesn't make it wrong (or right for that matter!!), it just is who I am, and I can now say that I LOVE that.
I've become the man I've always been.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I knew myself more than I thought
I written about this previously, but I still get reminders of how I really knew my beliefs and values, as well as what i truly wanted from life, but let other people influence may away from that.
I have been described as "idealistic", and in the past I would silently get angry at that label, thinking that if we want to achieve an ideal, we have to believe in it first. I also saw hypocrisy in that label as I'd think "how come people are so complimentary of people like Mother Teresa, Jean Vanier, Emmett Johns, yet when I "dream" of something, it's "unrealistic"".
I was also bothered by "secrets" (especially family secrets which were elephants in the room). For the longest time I believed things were not talked about on purpose, we practically just talked about the weather.
Venturing into a topic like "I have not been feeling well recently" was subtly discouraged; "you feel ok right now", "look at what you do have".... To me that sounded empty, avoidance.
I see now how that WAS avoidance, no malice intended, just that our society does not view talking about difficulties as a good thing. We are taught very young to "just talk about positive things", to "not bother others with your troubles, they have their own". Somehow ALL "troubles" are to be solved alone.
Coming back to the beginning of this post, I knew (subconsciously) that there was something wrong with the entire premise of "Just say positive things and keep your problems to yourself". At the time I wasn't versed enough to call it DENIAL.
In the same way, we are "proud" of a person AFTER they've achieved something, or recovered.
Why weren't we proud when they were trying to achieve, or sick and on they way to recovery?
Perhaps I'm unconventional, but I truly believe that education about mental illness involves talking about it, and getting involved (whether with a family member, friend, colleague...)
Avoidance of (talking about) the issue only confirms the long standing fallacy that mental illness is "bad" and unworthy of attention.
I have been described as "idealistic", and in the past I would silently get angry at that label, thinking that if we want to achieve an ideal, we have to believe in it first. I also saw hypocrisy in that label as I'd think "how come people are so complimentary of people like Mother Teresa, Jean Vanier, Emmett Johns, yet when I "dream" of something, it's "unrealistic"".
I was also bothered by "secrets" (especially family secrets which were elephants in the room). For the longest time I believed things were not talked about on purpose, we practically just talked about the weather.
Venturing into a topic like "I have not been feeling well recently" was subtly discouraged; "you feel ok right now", "look at what you do have".... To me that sounded empty, avoidance.
I see now how that WAS avoidance, no malice intended, just that our society does not view talking about difficulties as a good thing. We are taught very young to "just talk about positive things", to "not bother others with your troubles, they have their own". Somehow ALL "troubles" are to be solved alone.
Coming back to the beginning of this post, I knew (subconsciously) that there was something wrong with the entire premise of "Just say positive things and keep your problems to yourself". At the time I wasn't versed enough to call it DENIAL.
In the same way, we are "proud" of a person AFTER they've achieved something, or recovered.
Why weren't we proud when they were trying to achieve, or sick and on they way to recovery?
Perhaps I'm unconventional, but I truly believe that education about mental illness involves talking about it, and getting involved (whether with a family member, friend, colleague...)
Avoidance of (talking about) the issue only confirms the long standing fallacy that mental illness is "bad" and unworthy of attention.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Education and early detection
Article on CBC.ca http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2009/08/28/preschooler-depression.html
At first glance I felt sadness at children going through the most misunderstood and ridiculed disease in our (so-called advanced) society, but re-reading the article gives me hope that some people are looking for early signs of depression.
It is common knowledge that early detection of any disease is the best remedy. That the more educated one is about a disease, the better they will be prepared to fight it, and that same education is what will eradicate any stigmas.
There obviously remains a lot of work to be done, medically and socially (look at some of the ignorant posts on that story for example).
But seeing studies like this being published and reported is a step in the right direction. The results might be somewhat disconcerting, but it's reporting a problem we can learn more about, and tackle from a position of knowledge.
At first glance I felt sadness at children going through the most misunderstood and ridiculed disease in our (so-called advanced) society, but re-reading the article gives me hope that some people are looking for early signs of depression.
It is common knowledge that early detection of any disease is the best remedy. That the more educated one is about a disease, the better they will be prepared to fight it, and that same education is what will eradicate any stigmas.
There obviously remains a lot of work to be done, medically and socially (look at some of the ignorant posts on that story for example).
But seeing studies like this being published and reported is a step in the right direction. The results might be somewhat disconcerting, but it's reporting a problem we can learn more about, and tackle from a position of knowledge.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Am I better?
Having gone through the most painful recovery process of my life in the past 2.5 years has not (in my mind) made me a better person, but rather a more aware, honest, and humble person.
Obviously awareness, honesty, and humility are good qualities, but did I go from not having them to suddenly having them? I think not.
Being told I'm a "better" person is (in my view) telling me I wasn't a very good person in the past. Now, I have done things I'm not proud of, that were hurtful to others, but the whole "you're a better person now" idea comes off as patronizing to me.
It comes back to my main point about mental illness, depression, and how those who do not have it have a responsibility to educate themselves about it, and get involved.
While the (depressed / sick) person is ill is precisely when they need help and support.
Patting the back of those who have fought their way out of depression is lame, as it is too easy.
Lame excuses like "I don't know what to do", or "he'll just say no" (without trying), and then turning around and congratulating him when he's "better" is hypocritical at best, a blatant lie at worse.
Acceptance of these mediocre excuses reinforces the stigma of mental illness.
Go help your brother, cousin, or colleague who's been down in the dumps lately. The one who's been isolating. Give him a phone call, offer to go to coffee, a movie, golf, dinner, anything. He might say no (highly likely actually), but you know what, when he does get better HE WILL REMEMBER THAT YOU TRIED.
Obviously awareness, honesty, and humility are good qualities, but did I go from not having them to suddenly having them? I think not.
Being told I'm a "better" person is (in my view) telling me I wasn't a very good person in the past. Now, I have done things I'm not proud of, that were hurtful to others, but the whole "you're a better person now" idea comes off as patronizing to me.
It comes back to my main point about mental illness, depression, and how those who do not have it have a responsibility to educate themselves about it, and get involved.
While the (depressed / sick) person is ill is precisely when they need help and support.
Patting the back of those who have fought their way out of depression is lame, as it is too easy.
Lame excuses like "I don't know what to do", or "he'll just say no" (without trying), and then turning around and congratulating him when he's "better" is hypocritical at best, a blatant lie at worse.
Acceptance of these mediocre excuses reinforces the stigma of mental illness.
Go help your brother, cousin, or colleague who's been down in the dumps lately. The one who's been isolating. Give him a phone call, offer to go to coffee, a movie, golf, dinner, anything. He might say no (highly likely actually), but you know what, when he does get better HE WILL REMEMBER THAT YOU TRIED.
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