Just don't be a nuisance

This morning at a neighbourhood coffee shop I overheard an interesting conversation between 2 scruffy looking men. One asked the other "are you still clean?", the second answered "yup, going on 7 months", the first congratulated him. They went on to talk about work, the first man saying he was working construction 7 days a week, when the second man said he was looking for work, the first said he would see with his employer if they need extra help and hopefully they would have work for his friend.

As ordinary and common as this conversation probably, it lead me to think about social expectations.

What first hit me is the hypocrisy of our society which would appreciate how these 2 men have straightened out their lives, yet where were we (society) when they needed help?

At a deeper level, I recognized that socially, we don't care that these 2 men might still be going through difficulties financially, work wise. That they don't really have choice about what they do for a living, they have to take the first thing which comes along. When they do, they will be expected to be grateful. As if "doing something", regardless of what it is, how (un)important, or boring it may be, is all that's important.

What matters to us a society is not that people have happy, fulfilling, and complete lives; we only don't want others to be a nuisance.

So in order to function in our society, one must simply "not be a nuisance". Not very mtivating is it?

How adapting and functioning are not enough

I recently completed reading a book which I purposely am not posting the title of since it can be interpreted as controversial and that in itself may influence people's opinion (positively or negatively). On practically every page I would go "that's exactly what I've always believed". I never sought a public platform per se, but even getting people to just listen (never mind understand or agree!!) has been excruciatingly difficult (IE. Impossible).

This reluctancy of others to listen has partially lead to a long-standing bout of chronic depression. I refer to this as my "existential depression".

Perhaps people don't want to hear me because it's not very "positive", maybe it's "too deep" for them, or maybe the truth of their own fallibility makes them uncomfortable.

Regardless, my pre-existing depressive condition has been magnified with this (perceived by me) lack of understanding / caring by others.

I control my condition through various ways such as medication, counselling, and educating myself about it, but there still seemed to be something missing.

Reading this book has helped me understand that I'm not "wrong" in my beliefs, just that they are not commonplace, and that most people are uncomfortable hearing such truths.

Reading is therapeutic. I have done hours of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which basically helps a person change their throught process. CBT has been extremely beneficial, but it strictly targets "How you think", not "What you think (and truly believe)".

It's very easy for me to think "I live in an industrialized country where corporations and money influence / decide how people (ought to) behave; therefore I simply need to adapt to that and I'll be "happy"".

My "problem", has been that I go further and say "but that is wrong, and if I "adapt" to (what I believe is) a wrong, that doesn't make me happy, it actually makes me feel worse".

The therapeutic part of reading (this particualr book) is that it confirms that I'm not "wrong" (nor alone) in my beliefs; that other people belief very similarly, in fact (some) get published and have public forums (IE. They fucntion).

Functionality and happiness.

One of the most difficult things in life in balancing how one fits in society without feeling like they are just a number, while embracing their uniqueness without coming off as a kook.

In my deepest darkest days, one thought that kept coming back was "If being functional is all there is, I'm not interested". My definition of "functional" was (and still is!!) "just do enough bot to be a nuisance to others". During my depression, that thought was compounded with the belief (which is not entirely wrong, by the way!!) that the main thing people care about in social contact is to not be burdened.

If someone is not "funcional" they are a burden and therefore unworthy of genuine care.

Functionality, by that definition, has nothing to do with happiness.

Is the functional person automatically happy?
Is the non-functional person automatically sad?

When taking stock of a person (or ourselves), do we put a disproportionate emphasis on functionality, as opposed to happiness?

If functionality is as important as it is made out to be, why are so many people still unhappy?