Don't tell me I'm smart, dumb, self-aware, ignorant...

A common misconception about depression is that people who have it, or at least while they're going through it are just not intelligent (even if for that period).

In some of my deepest moments of depression, I have been told "oh you're smarter than that". Because I had lost a job, broken a relationship, or just acted "strangely", I was simply "being stupid" or "acting out".

In one of my most recent deep depressive episodes, I was in a counselor's office and told her bluntly "don't tell me I'm smart or self-aware, because if I were so f***ing smart and self-aware, I wouldn't be here!!"

One of the beefs I've had with people's take on depression is that they ignore (purposely or not is debatable) the fact that depression is an illness just like diabetes and epilepsy. The conversation often turns to the person's intelligence, self-awareness, or laziness.

The person going through a depressive episode is not any dumber nor smarter than before, their self-awareness hasn't magically disappeared or appeared. They may have less energy, but they are not any lazier than they might have been previously.

Having suffered several depressive episodes of different magnitude, including one very recently, I'm not smarter now for having overcome it, just like I wasn't stupid while it was happening.

My intelligence, self-awareness, work ethic have nothing to do with my depression. My depression is an illness that can affect several aspects of my life which may lead to behaviours which are not smart, lead to actions I do not think out enough before doing, may sap energy from me. But that is the depression.

Do I have responsibility regarding those actions and behaviours, of course I do. The depression didn't act inappropriately, I did. So the responsibility lies on me.

But the responsibility of understanding what lead to those behaviours lies on the shoulders of everyone else.

Either we treat depressed people as sometimes intelligent and sometimes dumb, or we look ourselves in the mirror and recognize that ignorance is never intelligent.