It is said that people suffering Depression, addiction and other mental illnesses often have difficulty trusting others while getting better.
There's a very valid reason for this; the very people requiring trust are the very people the person suffering could not trust when they were ill.
To the depressive who is getting better, the people asking (directly or not) to be trusted including family, friends, colleagues, even medical professionals are the same people who "let them down" when they (the depressive) were going through their worse times, those people (often) were not there. Either they literally were not present, they "didn't know what to do", repeated platitudes such as "snap out of it", or (as to often is the case) pretended like everything was ok.
This is a large reason why depressives are (justifiably) angry.
The Catch-22 here is that as untrustworthy as people are when dealing with others' mental illness, the best way to health is by letting people (back) into our lives.
The doctor who prescribes medication "X" can be trusted to the extent that he knows what he's doing. The family member, friend or colleague who invites you out, or accepts your invitation can be trusted for that event (and other similar things), but it does not mean they suddenly "know what to do", or that their previous behaviour was appropriate.
How much we trust people is always tricky, but more so after having gone through depression and feeling like we were left on our own.
Accepting others ignorance has actually helped me in that I see it as an opportunity for me to advocate for people with depression, and educate those without.
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5 comments:
Hey, Greg - an interesting post. I am saddened that you felt that people were not there for you and that you felt let down by others' inability to cope with your illness. My own experience has been vastly different. I have had support and encouragement to seek help, during my periodic episodes of depression, from all the people in my life - not one has turned away or told me - as you so succinctly put it - to 'snap out of it'.
Did your family/friends/colleagues have no experience of mental illness prior to your depression? The would seem, to me, to be extremely unusual.
I don't know if my experience is unusual. I do know that I never had cause to lose trust in others, except as a function of the illness itself. Certainly, there have been times when my 'warpy' thoughts have prevailed. But I have never lost trust in the care and concern of my friends and family.
Oh...and I guess I should state that I am female!!
Thank you Kat,
Most people have some experience with mental illness, whether directly or not, but how they cope with it when it is close is an entirely different matter.
I recognize that my post (and others) may come off as harsh, for that I apologize to all readers. My point is that there still exists a huge stigma attached to mental illness, and that stigma is (too often) used as an excuse for inaction.
As long as beliefs such as "they just need to snap out of it", "only those who've had it can understand", or "they can only get out of it BY themselves" are still out there, recovery will remain more difficult than it needs to be.
Recovery from depression requires several things, medical advice / help, improved lifestyle choices, improved social skills, interaction (from all parties), etc....
Leaving a depressed person on their own for fear of "interfering" can play right into the hand of depression.
sorry gregoire to remove my comment, but it was probably a bit too personal. anyway, i think you might have gotten it through the mail.
i like this blog, and your idea behind it. i recognize a lot of what you write.
kat, i like your blog also.
kind regards, frank
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