We all know that, but how often do we fall for the exaggerated and misleading promises of individual therapeutic aids.
Here’s a list of what I need to do in order to feel better:
- Stay sober
- Take my medication rigorously
- Socialize / Interact with friends, family, colleagues.
- Exercise
- Read / Educate myself about Depression
- Work at achieving my long-term goals (Right now for me that means studying)
- Eat healthy
- Have regular sleep pattern
- Take time to do something I enjoy but is just a pastime (For me that’s comedy)
- Share my story, ideas, beliefs with others (through this blog!!)
Some of these probably apply to many people, some perhaps to no one. The important thing to remember is that doing 1,2 or 5 of these will only have limited effect (and in fact, NOT DOING some or many of these make nullify those which we do. That’s just how the Depressed mind thinks).
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Priorities
Organizing, prioritizing, and making lists seems somewhat easy; establish what takes up the most time and put those in your Day-timer in order.
Doing that allowed me to complete tasks, and get things done, but never felt I achieved anything.
When I review my priorities in terms of what is important TO ME, things are rather different.
At this point, here is what is important to me in order:
- My Recovery / Health
- Finding / Keeping work / Getting my finances in order
- My studies and education
- Fitness
- Blogging
- Comedy
Here’s how I can do each:
-Recovery / Health: Take my medication, improve my self-discipline, read about recovery, socialize / build relationships, eat healthy, make my cause be known.
- Work / Finances: Apply / Interview / discipline myself to tolerate what I dislike by remembering I am more than my job / Save money / Pay debts.
- Studies / Education: Apply myself to daily studying, reading and reviewing.
- Fitness: Discipline myself to a regular workout schedule, eat healthy, participate in races.
- Blogging: Educate myself on blogging techniques, blog every day.
- Comedy: Write / Rehearse every day.
When I look at it this way, things seem much more worthwhile. The #1 thing in my life is my health and recovery. I can not let that slip at all, because without health, I can not do the rest and anything I would do without being healthy would be useless to me.
The other 5 are strictly based on where I am in my life right now. They are totally flexible. When I’m looking for work, work and finances do take priority, but when that part of my life stabilizes, perhaps another will supplant it as “second”.
Doing that allowed me to complete tasks, and get things done, but never felt I achieved anything.
When I review my priorities in terms of what is important TO ME, things are rather different.
At this point, here is what is important to me in order:
- My Recovery / Health
- Finding / Keeping work / Getting my finances in order
- My studies and education
- Fitness
- Blogging
- Comedy
Here’s how I can do each:
-Recovery / Health: Take my medication, improve my self-discipline, read about recovery, socialize / build relationships, eat healthy, make my cause be known.
- Work / Finances: Apply / Interview / discipline myself to tolerate what I dislike by remembering I am more than my job / Save money / Pay debts.
- Studies / Education: Apply myself to daily studying, reading and reviewing.
- Fitness: Discipline myself to a regular workout schedule, eat healthy, participate in races.
- Blogging: Educate myself on blogging techniques, blog every day.
- Comedy: Write / Rehearse every day.
When I look at it this way, things seem much more worthwhile. The #1 thing in my life is my health and recovery. I can not let that slip at all, because without health, I can not do the rest and anything I would do without being healthy would be useless to me.
The other 5 are strictly based on where I am in my life right now. They are totally flexible. When I’m looking for work, work and finances do take priority, but when that part of my life stabilizes, perhaps another will supplant it as “second”.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Questions and opinions
Would the fear / misunderstanding / stigma of mental illness be an in-born biological and physiological defence mechanism? A defence that tells us “None of our species (especially not our providers / protectors (MEN) ) can be disabled to the point of having difficulty coping / adjusting / adapting, because if that is so, our entire species is at risk!!” ?
Do we really like the underdog, or do we just root from the sidelines and feel good after he succeeds?
We love stories of overcoming obstacles and redemption, but do we love these same people BEFORE they “succeed” ?
We sugar-coat (even avoid talking about) Depression by sticking to what the person did “right”. We avoid the discomfort of discussing Depression. Not very tough / generous / helpful / useful / humanistic / thoughtful / humble / loving is that now!!!
And how educational is it to avoid learning about something?
Justifications such as “we don’t know” and “we’ve haven’t had it” only confirms ignorance and weakness.
Do we really like the underdog, or do we just root from the sidelines and feel good after he succeeds?
We love stories of overcoming obstacles and redemption, but do we love these same people BEFORE they “succeed” ?
We sugar-coat (even avoid talking about) Depression by sticking to what the person did “right”. We avoid the discomfort of discussing Depression. Not very tough / generous / helpful / useful / humanistic / thoughtful / humble / loving is that now!!!
And how educational is it to avoid learning about something?
Justifications such as “we don’t know” and “we’ve haven’t had it” only confirms ignorance and weakness.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Choices
We often hear (even within the mental health fraternity and medical community) that a large part of recovery from mental illness is a matter of “choice”. That when the person “chooses” to no longer be depressed, recovery will follow.
How come we never hear that people who don’t have mental illness are CHOOSING not to educate themselves? Choosing to “not know what to do”? That they choose to do nothing instead of getting involved?
Why is it the mentally ill and substance abusers who are making “bad choices”? Isn’t it a “bad choice” to remain ignorant about scientifically proven illnesses?
We all know that mental illness is stigmatized, what is never said is that stigmatization = intolerance.
Isn’t it a “bad choice” to stigmatize a group of people?
Mental illness is the only scientifically proven medical type of condition for which ignorance is accepted, even promoted.
How come we never hear that people who don’t have mental illness are CHOOSING not to educate themselves? Choosing to “not know what to do”? That they choose to do nothing instead of getting involved?
Why is it the mentally ill and substance abusers who are making “bad choices”? Isn’t it a “bad choice” to remain ignorant about scientifically proven illnesses?
We all know that mental illness is stigmatized, what is never said is that stigmatization = intolerance.
Isn’t it a “bad choice” to stigmatize a group of people?
Mental illness is the only scientifically proven medical type of condition for which ignorance is accepted, even promoted.
What are WE afraid of?
“No matter how you may have redeemed yourself - no matter how many good deeds you have stacked up to counterbalance what you once did - the shame of it is still scorching hot. The better a man you’ve become, the more godawful it sounds hearing what you once did. Once it’s out, you’d like to do nothing but crawl under a rock. Shame has dragged many a life right back down. For this season, most men run from their shame and run from anything that might remind them of it.” - Po Bronson (Why Do I Love These People)
That is one of the best description of why men “don’t talk about it” I’ve ever heard. Talking about it (in our minds) simply reminds us of how fucked up we have been / are.
When you add to that the social stigma (IE. Shame), “talking about it” is doubly shameful.
What is rarely (if ever) mentioned is how people WHO DON’T HAVE depression are afraid of talking about it. Especially (once again) when it involves men.
Bronson, in the same book seems to avoid using the “d-word” when describing depressive symptoms in men he interviewed, whereas it is utilized about women with the same symptoms. Descriptions of some men include “ alcohol/drug abuse, excessive anger, loss of enjoyment in previously enjoyable activities”. Even his own story includes low self-esteem, isolation. These are all symptoms of depression, in the DSM-IV no less. Never is the d-word used though. Yet, in very similar descriptions of women going through the same symptoms, the d-word is regularly dropped.
Beyond the “they were not diagnosed as depressed” reasoning / excuse, one could easily add “these are typical symptoms of depression”. In fact, if people show symptoms of other diseases, we don’t hesitate to say “it could be…”, “it sounds like…” . Obviously not only are people with depression the only ones who “don’t talk about it”.
That is one of the best description of why men “don’t talk about it” I’ve ever heard. Talking about it (in our minds) simply reminds us of how fucked up we have been / are.
When you add to that the social stigma (IE. Shame), “talking about it” is doubly shameful.
What is rarely (if ever) mentioned is how people WHO DON’T HAVE depression are afraid of talking about it. Especially (once again) when it involves men.
Bronson, in the same book seems to avoid using the “d-word” when describing depressive symptoms in men he interviewed, whereas it is utilized about women with the same symptoms. Descriptions of some men include “ alcohol/drug abuse, excessive anger, loss of enjoyment in previously enjoyable activities”. Even his own story includes low self-esteem, isolation. These are all symptoms of depression, in the DSM-IV no less. Never is the d-word used though. Yet, in very similar descriptions of women going through the same symptoms, the d-word is regularly dropped.
Beyond the “they were not diagnosed as depressed” reasoning / excuse, one could easily add “these are typical symptoms of depression”. In fact, if people show symptoms of other diseases, we don’t hesitate to say “it could be…”, “it sounds like…” . Obviously not only are people with depression the only ones who “don’t talk about it”.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Think about this
In mentioned in my December 11th entry golfer John Daly and how people stuck by him when he was doing well, but wanted nothing to do with him when he was going through hard times. Well today on the news, he announced that he had been suspended for 6 months by the PGA and he felt it was a just suspension. The only thing the PGA said was that they would not comment as it has always been their policy not to comment on fines and suspensions. Daly being one of the better known golfers (for good or bad), the PGA had the responsibility to announce it, even if just to explain Daly’s non appearance in tournaments over the next 6 months.
Would I’d like to know, is what is the PGA doing to help Mr. Daly, or are they simply sending him to his room to “think about it”, and come back in 6 months when he’s ok?
Shame on you PGA.
Within the depressed community, we have to change our language, and I’m not talking about the therapeutic idea of “changing ones thinking”, but stop talking about depression in a shameful way. Also, propagating the idea that “only we understand it because we live it” only enables the belief that it’s all about us and gives the outside world a free pass.
You want to stop a stigma? Stop talking about stigma.
The stigma of depression only makes things comfortable for everyone. Us sufferers only share among ourselves and our therapists which is very comfortable. Non-sufferers don’t have to discuss it which is comfortable for them.
Lets all be adults, and step out of our comfort zone.
Men are expected to show vulnerability, except when they are vulnerable.
The physical and physiological part of depression is just a small part of the disease. The social aspect is just as (if not more) significant, yet not addressed nearly enough.
That’s why giving the same treatment to all depression sufferers (increasing serotonin levels, helping thought patterns, and getting back to functionality) is just (in my opinion) about 30% of treatment. Finding a passion, a purpose, a sense of belonging, improve self-esteem, self-love. These things are too rarely addressed in traditional therapy. As much as these are continuously evolving, once they are established, it make the depressed person more confident (rather obvious), will actually make them more humble as they will feel they belong to a group / society which is bigger than them and they will in turn see the uniqueness in others (IE. That we’re not all just cogs in the wheel, that everyone brings something).
When it comes to propensity of depression, we still hear than “woman are more susceptible than men”. I have mentioned how I disagree with this, and here’s a statistic I would like bring about.
Men commit suicide 4 times more often than women.
Two thirds of all suicides are committed by people suffering some sort of depression.
I’m not great at math, but by my calculations, for each 100 suicides, 80 are men, and 20 are women, and 67 are by people suffering some form of depression.
Depression is a much more fatal disease in men.
Would I’d like to know, is what is the PGA doing to help Mr. Daly, or are they simply sending him to his room to “think about it”, and come back in 6 months when he’s ok?
Shame on you PGA.
Within the depressed community, we have to change our language, and I’m not talking about the therapeutic idea of “changing ones thinking”, but stop talking about depression in a shameful way. Also, propagating the idea that “only we understand it because we live it” only enables the belief that it’s all about us and gives the outside world a free pass.
You want to stop a stigma? Stop talking about stigma.
The stigma of depression only makes things comfortable for everyone. Us sufferers only share among ourselves and our therapists which is very comfortable. Non-sufferers don’t have to discuss it which is comfortable for them.
Lets all be adults, and step out of our comfort zone.
Men are expected to show vulnerability, except when they are vulnerable.
The physical and physiological part of depression is just a small part of the disease. The social aspect is just as (if not more) significant, yet not addressed nearly enough.
That’s why giving the same treatment to all depression sufferers (increasing serotonin levels, helping thought patterns, and getting back to functionality) is just (in my opinion) about 30% of treatment. Finding a passion, a purpose, a sense of belonging, improve self-esteem, self-love. These things are too rarely addressed in traditional therapy. As much as these are continuously evolving, once they are established, it make the depressed person more confident (rather obvious), will actually make them more humble as they will feel they belong to a group / society which is bigger than them and they will in turn see the uniqueness in others (IE. That we’re not all just cogs in the wheel, that everyone brings something).
When it comes to propensity of depression, we still hear than “woman are more susceptible than men”. I have mentioned how I disagree with this, and here’s a statistic I would like bring about.
Men commit suicide 4 times more often than women.
Two thirds of all suicides are committed by people suffering some sort of depression.
I’m not great at math, but by my calculations, for each 100 suicides, 80 are men, and 20 are women, and 67 are by people suffering some form of depression.
Depression is a much more fatal disease in men.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
My Story
I remember being depressed as far back as my teenage years. Obviously, this is hindsight, but locking myself in my bedroom listening to music and reading sports scores while not giving school work even the slightest thought was more than common teenage rebellion.
For the longest time I believed I would always be “all right”, that somehow things out of my control would always be there to keep me in “liveable circumstances”.
I believed that living a “normal/average/common” pedestrian life of “waking up, going to work, have dinner, take a dump, sleep and repeat” would be sufficient to lead to happiness. What I didn’t recognize was that I was extremely unhappy, so just aiming at keeping the same life would never change my happiness level.
So I did try living the “normal” life, had a girlfriend, rented an apartment, had a 9-5 middle management job, bought a car, had credit cards. I came off as a good guy with a good life. Reality is that I was miserable, but couldn’t even see it. I started drinking daily, my girlfriend left (to which I used to joke that if I could leave myself I would), missed worked regularly, but didn’t care about anything. That’s not quite true, I cared about how I was perceived. The “good guy with the normal life” is who I had to be. If I was unhappy or had problems it was up to me to solve them, because people are not interested in others’ problems, and admitting difficulties is whiny and needy.
So through the years, I bounced from job to job, apartment to apartment, even when back to live at home (which I actually patted myself on the back for being “strong enough” to do it). Living with my parents gave me the same sense of comfort I grew up with that despite everything, my circumstances would always be “liveable”.
Back on my own, the revolving door of bouncing from job to job, apartment to apartment continued, I drank more, lost relationships as quickly as I made them.
My frustration against the world I kept to myself (can’t be whiny), but my feelings were “my life is a fucking mess, people must know that I’m not living “normally” but they prefer thinking I am.”
My quandary was that I couldn’t express my misery (barely admitted it to myself) because that was “whiny” and admitting I wasn’t “normal”, yet at the same time I was miserable to the point of not seeing the point of living. But, get this, doing anything rash about it would not be “normal” either!!!
So I had to live with something I couldn’t bare, and was not allowed to express!!
Now several years later, more jobs, living arrangements and screwed up relationships, I’m much better. Thanks to great help as well as decisions I took to stop drinking, and take care of my overall health.
As for the “normal” life, FUCK THAT, my life is anything but normal, but I’m actually happier than I have been in a long time.
To those of you who may relate to some of this, I did leave a lot of details out. Not in order to make it a feel good story, but because some of it is still very painful. We don’t have to put every single detail out there, but it is important to recognize our unhappiness with our lives.
I don’t have any secret formula for how I got to feel better, but what has (and still does) help(ed) me is a genuine un-concern for others opinion of me. In fact, I sometimes even revel in the fact that I live on a daily basis shit that most “normal” people are too scared to even think about.
For the longest time I believed I would always be “all right”, that somehow things out of my control would always be there to keep me in “liveable circumstances”.
I believed that living a “normal/average/common” pedestrian life of “waking up, going to work, have dinner, take a dump, sleep and repeat” would be sufficient to lead to happiness. What I didn’t recognize was that I was extremely unhappy, so just aiming at keeping the same life would never change my happiness level.
So I did try living the “normal” life, had a girlfriend, rented an apartment, had a 9-5 middle management job, bought a car, had credit cards. I came off as a good guy with a good life. Reality is that I was miserable, but couldn’t even see it. I started drinking daily, my girlfriend left (to which I used to joke that if I could leave myself I would), missed worked regularly, but didn’t care about anything. That’s not quite true, I cared about how I was perceived. The “good guy with the normal life” is who I had to be. If I was unhappy or had problems it was up to me to solve them, because people are not interested in others’ problems, and admitting difficulties is whiny and needy.
So through the years, I bounced from job to job, apartment to apartment, even when back to live at home (which I actually patted myself on the back for being “strong enough” to do it). Living with my parents gave me the same sense of comfort I grew up with that despite everything, my circumstances would always be “liveable”.
Back on my own, the revolving door of bouncing from job to job, apartment to apartment continued, I drank more, lost relationships as quickly as I made them.
My frustration against the world I kept to myself (can’t be whiny), but my feelings were “my life is a fucking mess, people must know that I’m not living “normally” but they prefer thinking I am.”
My quandary was that I couldn’t express my misery (barely admitted it to myself) because that was “whiny” and admitting I wasn’t “normal”, yet at the same time I was miserable to the point of not seeing the point of living. But, get this, doing anything rash about it would not be “normal” either!!!
So I had to live with something I couldn’t bare, and was not allowed to express!!
Now several years later, more jobs, living arrangements and screwed up relationships, I’m much better. Thanks to great help as well as decisions I took to stop drinking, and take care of my overall health.
As for the “normal” life, FUCK THAT, my life is anything but normal, but I’m actually happier than I have been in a long time.
To those of you who may relate to some of this, I did leave a lot of details out. Not in order to make it a feel good story, but because some of it is still very painful. We don’t have to put every single detail out there, but it is important to recognize our unhappiness with our lives.
I don’t have any secret formula for how I got to feel better, but what has (and still does) help(ed) me is a genuine un-concern for others opinion of me. In fact, I sometimes even revel in the fact that I live on a daily basis shit that most “normal” people are too scared to even think about.
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