Random thoughts

Hearing people saying they wish others could live what they have because life has made them so happy is totally foreign to me. I don’t wish my life on anyone.

Yesterday was one of my worse days. I had images of how I could die; hanging, knifing, firearm, pills. I didn’t want to kill myself, but wanted to die.

I can no longer be afraid of how others (may) perceive or interpret me and my cause.

I’m still fascinated at how I can show (even feel!!) so positive with others when deep down I feel like shit.

The stigma about men with depression is cultural, social, and even biological. As a species we don’t want to know that the hunter/provider is emotionally distressed. Statistics show that men commit suicide 4 times more often than women. Nevertheless, there’s still a perception of male suicide as “courageous” (IE. “He knew he couldn’t go on”), even “romantic” in some cases (IE. Ernest Hemingway, hunter S. Thompson).
There’s also a huge element of de-responsabilising ourselves from others’ suicides. The whole “we didn’t know he was that bad” or “we’ve never had depression, we don’t know” indirectly PROMOTES suicide, because if others “don’t know”, well the solution seen by the depressive is what he’ll take.
As a society, we must accept responsibility for mental illness and suicide.

Statistics regarding depression are skewed because they are based on numbers of people diagnosed, but it is also known that men do not declare symptoms of depression (as of other ailments!!) as often as women. Lower diagnosis of depression in men can also be partly attributed to gender bias. Although the DSM-IV does not distinct depression in men from female depression, yet many medical professionals look for “more” symptoms before diagnosing men.